How to Survive a Month with Pride
by SixFoldDimension
Summary: Selim Bradley leaves detailed instructions about how to survive a month with himself. "TIP 3 - Offering to share lemon-flavored ice pops with Pride does not increase your chances of survival. Writing essays about him doesn't help much, either."
1. TIP 1: I'd Hate to Know You

**A/N:** First of all, the summary changes constantly and is probably horrifically misleading! :D So, sorry about that! -brick'd-

Regular = narrative/dialogue

"_Italics"_ = thoughts

WORLD: Anime/Manga crossover

GENRE: humor, friendship, and pure crack put together

CHARACTERS: mainly Pride (manga) and Selim (anime). Kimblee likes randomly intervening. Probably going to throw in Envy and others later, too.

OTHER: Yup, I completely screwed up the plotline. Pride's already eaten Kimblee, but somehow he has the time to go to a month-long private school. Where exactly is this school located? Truth abandoned me when I wrote this story, guys :

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own FMA.

* * *

**How to Survive a Month with Pride**

**Day 0 - Monday**

_TIP 1 - In order to survive a month with Pride, you must be _with_ him to start off. This by itself is highly unadvisable._

"You seem so quiet today, Selim," remarked Mrs. Bradley.

It was a peaceful Monday morning in the Bradley household. King Bradley, who hadn't been home for two weeks straight, was absent as usual; only his wife and his son were in the dining room. Pride was sitting at the head of the table with a cold plate of breakfast in front of him, busy mulling over the strange dream he had last night; he stirred from his thoughts when he heard his mother's voice.

"It's nothing, mother!" he said cheerily, picking up the cup of tea that was set in front of him. He took a sip; it was tepid and tasted worse than mothballs. (Not that he knew how mothballs tasted like to begin with.) "I'm just excited for private school, that's all!"

"Oh my," she beamed at him. Pride always found himself amused by her smiles; so easy to conjure, but so genuine at the same time. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? "I only thought - well, since you were talking in your sleep last night…."

"Really?" he demanded, momentarily forgetting his act. Pride quickly covered the outburst: "Ohh. I had a bad dream, that's all!"

Hell, he was getting bad at using this container. Talking in his sleep now, was he?

"Oh dear! What was your dream about?" asked Mrs. Bradley, looking concerned.

Pride grimaced. It was a freak dream, alright. But he couldn't tell her that. What kind of stupidities did human children dream up of again?

"It was a dream about a scary dog chasing me!" he exclaimed. It looked like Kimblee, too. "Dad saved me in the last second, though. I want to be strong like him one day when I grow up!" He couldn't remember how many times he used that line, but everyone was still lapping it up like Kimb - er, dogs.

"What a horrible dream!" his mother said. He silently agreed. It was almost worse than the dream he had of Envy forcing him to play strip-poker. Almost.

The rest of the morning passed in silence. Pride took a few bites of his cold toast only to maintain his image as a 'good boy' while he thought over his dream - which, of course, was not of him being chased by a dog and being saved by Wrath. Kimblee-the-dog had appeared in his nightmare, remarkably enough, but Pride had found this amusing in his sleep and merely fed mothballs to the creature. No… what had really disturbed him was an image he had.

In his dream, he saw Selim Bradley. No, not himself - it was a different Selim Bradley, and although he looked exactly like Pride, it spoke and acted differently from him. For one, it did not feed Kimblee mothballs. Throughout the dream, Father kept chanting that he and Selim are one, he and Selim are one….

"Why, look at the time!" Mrs. Bradley said suddenly, leaping to her feet and bustling around. "It's time for you to go to school!"

"Yay!" cheered Pride, while he mentally rolled his eyes. One month of private school, which usually consisted of himself, a few spoiled-rotten human children and a truckload of teachers and guards. You'd honestly think it requires that much money to teach ten-year-old students how to divide.

He was ushered into the car, where he sat in the back and waved and waved like a Disney princess to his mother until she was out of site.

For a second, Pride wondered how it would be like without his mother chattering for a month and felt a strange churning in his stomach, but he decided that it was probably just Kimblee tampering with his Philosophers stone. He really shouldn't have eaten that psychopath. He tasted like mothballs, and now everything he ate had the faint tinge of naphthalene. Even Gluttony tasted better, and he tasted like a football.

"_How are you supposed to know how mothballs taste like without tasting them before, hm?"_ came Kimblee's mocking voice in the back of his mind. _"By the way, it's soccer. Not football, _soccer_."_

"_Be quiet,"_ Pride shot back. _"Your limited human capabilities narrow your perception to only learn through experience and trust of others. If I were as limited as you are, I wouldn't be alive right now. That's why Homunculus are superior to you pathetic beings. Also, it's football."_

"_Hmm… well, I'll hold to see if your theory can hold out,"_ Kimblee smirked. _"But I daresay I disagree with your last point. It's soccer."_

"_Silence," _he demanded. There was a short pause where only the sound of revving engines could be heard.

And then: _"Soc-car."_

**oOo**

_Meanwhile, somewhere on the other side of the gate…._

"Good bye, good bye, mother!" Selim Bradley called from the car window, waving his hands and watching as his mother disappeared into a speck in the distance. He sighed, drawing back into the car seat.

One whole month away from home.

It was necessary, Selim knew, because the private school he was enrolled into was far away - his parents didn't have the time to keep picking him up every day. Even his own father had been too busy to see him off today.

Selim pressed his cheek against the window. He didn't want to bother anybody, but in truth, he was worried this new school. Selim was usually tutored by personal hired teachers; he had never set a foot in a real school before. His mother thought it would be a welcome change for him, and his father was unusually eager to send him away, although he didn't know why. Selim only knew that he kept reminding him to bring his treasure with him.

Father's sacred treasure was packed along with his textbooks, toothbrush, and stack of underwear. Selim had taken special care into tucking it a good distance away from his ordinary items; partially because he didn't want to lose it, and partially because it started to smell like old hospital people. He didn't tell father this, of course, but Selim was starting to wonder what this allusive treasure could be. He hoped that it wasn't old hospital people.

His driver continued steering him down the unfamiliar road. Selim hoped that he would find some friends in his new school - or one friend, to be precise. They informed him that there would be only one other student than himself, which relieved most of his worries. According to radio shows, it was common practice to dunk other students' heads into toilets, form groups called 'cliques' that terrorized everyone outside of the clique, and shoot chewed-up paper from plastic straws at people.

Having only two students in the entire school ruled out most of these horrors… assuming that he got along with this said student.

"_What if he's mean?"_ Selim thought worriedly. He had an ominous dream last night about a creepy clone of himself, hidden in the shadows… Selim shuddered. The mantra that had played throughout his dream was still stuck in his head, echoing a thousand times over an unfamiliar voice: he and Pride are one, he and Pride are one….

Selim sighed and closed his eyes.

Maybe his fellow student wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he would be… nice, probably. And smart. Maybe he was quiet like him - someone humble and kind and who didn't smell like old hospital people. The soft humming of the car engines slowly lulled Selim to sleep, as pictures and images of this distant student and friend painted across his dreams.

**oOo**

Somewhere in the universe, Truth was shaking his head.

* * *

**NOTES**: Probably continuing! ('Probably?') Ugh, I'll probably have to make Pride OOC to ever allow him and Selim to become friends, but let's see how it goes!

(P.S.: No idea where I'm going with the mothballs. I just hate mothballs. They look so yummy, but they're probably not safe to eat….)


	2. TIP  2: To be an Armstrong

**A/N:** Yo! Back with Chapter 2. By the way, all reviews will be replied to right in the chapter at the bottom of the page!

Regular = narrative/dialogue

"_Italics"_ = thoughts/emphasis

"**Bolded"** = other

**oOo** = POV change

ALSO! To avoid confusion in this story, Selim in the Manga (aka Pride) will always be referred to as Pride whereas Selim in the anime will always be referred to as Selim. Basically, the prick is Pride and the boring guy is Selim :D This holds true unless situation calls for the characters to be called something else (aka Pride is taking to his Mrs. Bradley, who only knows him as Selim).

BTW, would it be easier to state who's POV each section is from at every POV change? It's generally back-and-forth between Selim and Pride, taking turns, but if it's confusing, let me know J

OTHER: Still screwing with the plotline! Armstrong here doesn't know that Pride is Pride… but then again, I don't think they ever fought/revealed that to him in the actual anime/manga. Ah, well. Truth has still left me, guys D:

* * *

**How to Survive a Month with Pride**

**Day 1 - Tuesday**

_TIP 2 - Always keep in mind the lighting. If you want to keep Pride happy, regulate the lights and keep them mediocre at all times. When in danger, smash all the lights and/or blind everybody with sparkles. Being an Armstrong may help in both regards._

It ended up taking an entire day to get to the school. Pride could've sworn that walking by himself would've taken less time, but unfortunately humans still found ten-year-old royal children walking to school by themselves suspicious. For all that Homunculi cared, eating ten-year-old royal children while they were walking to school by themselves was not much out of the ordinary.

He walked out of the car with two servants holding all his luggage behind him. It wasn't really a lot, and he didn't really need any of the material, but it was mandatory for his disguise. As well-intentioned as the intriguing Mrs. Bradley might be, Pride had absolutely no use for her collection of multi-colored Hello-Kitty nightcaps.

"Soccer," sighed Kimblee for the last time, followed by a rather violent explosion-like sound that seemed to come from his stomach. Pride ignored him, but he was seriously considering laxatives to rid himself of this nuisance.

If… well, if he would actually _fit_ out that way, Pride considered. He immediately scrapped the idea; great, human idiocy was rubbing off on him.

"Wow! This school looks amazing!" Pride gushed in his pseudo-innocent voice as he surveyed the area. There was too many empty fields of grass, way too many flowers, and both the school and campus were painted blinding white from head to foot. The guard-servants chuckled at him.

"Well, it's a pretty safe place here, too," said the guard, tipping his hat to the child. "There's going to be nobody here except us, a trustworthy staff and one other royal student!"

Pride beamed and trotted on ahead. The staff members greeted him and gave him a lengthy tour, while he had already sent his shadows to scout the entire area. The was nothing too unbearable, although he did have issues with the heavy lighting. When nobody was around, Pride swallowed the gaudy chandeliers in the hallways and in his bedroom, leaving only the a few lamps. Strangely enough, he heard a crash echo through his mind and thought he could almost see the chandeliers nailing Kimblee on the head.

**oOo**

"Thank you for showing me around," Selim said politely, bowing to the tour guide. His guards nodded and lead Selim to his room, which was in the last door in the left-wing hall.

The place was enormous and extravagant - a little bit overdone, Selim had to admit - but an overall nice place. He wouldn't mind staying here for a while. His guards opened the double-doors to his dorm, where all of his possessions were already assembled.

Selim picked up father's treasure box, which was set in the corner of the room, and put it on the shelf next to his bed. The entire place was lavishly decorated with paintings, statues, and flowers at the windowsill, and it was at least three times as big as his room at home (which was quite formidable, seeing that his room at home was about 200 square feet in length and width). In the center of the room was a long staircase that spiraled upwards to the bathrooms, which was equally as large; the bathtub looked like a miniature lake, complete with a fountain statue in the center. In fact, the only thing that didn't seem overdone in his room was the lighting; there was only one tall, lonely lamp in the entire whole area.

There was also another bed, shelf, and closet on the other side of the room. Selim suspected that it was for the other student, who wasn't here at the moment.

He looked outside; it was already in the afternoon. Selim was told that this room had a nice view of the school grounds and sunflower garden, but at the moment, the sun was going directly into his face and blinding him from seeing anything. He shut the curtains.

Sighing, Selim and slumped into a plush leather couch. He picked one of the leaflets that the school had given him and started to read it out of mere curiosity.

"**Truth's Gate Elementary School - LUNCH MENU - over 9000 choices!"**

For the first time, Selim realized how hungry he was; he hadn't eaten anything since the car ride. He flipped open the book and was met with over nine-thousand dishes to choose from. In case it wasn't easy enough to understand the font size 36 dish titles and descriptions, there was also a huge picture next to every choice.

After flipping through many pages, Selim decided to get a CHEF'S SPECIALTY: CLAM CHOWDER SOUP with CHEF'S SPECIALTY: WHOLE-WHEAT BREAD (everything in the menu was 'chef's specialty'; he wanted to meet this chef one day). He picked up the telephone on his desk and dialed '9000' to contact the school's kitchen.

"Hello?" Selim said into the phone. "Um… yes, I'd like to - huh?" (pause) "Oh, no… I mean, could I have-?" (pause) "Chef's specialty today? But… isn't everything…?" (pause) "N-no, I don't think I can finish that much, nine-thousand is a bit… uhm…" (pause, pause) "uh-huh…" (pause) "Yes, could I just have dish 3470 and appetizer 13?"

There was a buzz. _"I hope they got my order,"_ Selim thought anxiously, also hoping that their offer of every meal in the menu was just a joke.

Just then, there was the sound of footsteps. Selim perked up; outside the door, he could hear voices talking - one of them sounded like a child.

"Yes, yes, thank you!" came the energetic voice from outside. It sounded strangely familiar. "I can go in by myself. Okay, no problem!"

Selim jumped to his feet. The door slowly opened, and a young student, just about his age, walked in.

"Hello, my name is Selim Bradley," he greeted, bowing. "It's nice to…"

He looked up at the boy, getting a good look at his face for the first time. "…nice to…"

The boy was staring at him, looking dumbfounded. Selim trailed off, nonplussed. This student… this student looked exactly like him!

"…m-meet… you?"

**oOo**

He didn't just look _like_ him. This kid looked precisely like him, down to every single lock of hair. _How did he miss this guy before?_

Pride caught himself gaping and closed his mouth. He glared at the child, thinning his lips. No, he couldn't let some idiotic doppelganger surprise him. This was a trick.

…and first of all, he _never_ had that stupid expression on his face like that 'Selim Bradley' did.

Pride shut the door behind him.

"Who are you?" he demanded, dropping the whole child act. If someone thought they could deceive him by simply making a copy image of his container, they had to think again. Pride immediately released his shadows, which pooled around his feet in case he needed them.

"I-I'm Selim Bradley, like I said," stuttered the boy, who was backing away from him.

"No, you're not." Pride stepped closer to 'Selim', glaring at him. And by glaring, it was more like he was trying to mentally burn holes into the boy's forehead. "I'll ask one more time. Who are you?"

"I'm not lying!" the copy cried. Pride stared at him coldly; he sent a shadow forward and wrapped it around his leg, to which Selim screamed at and tried to pull away from.

"Your efforts are futile, human," Pride spat, his metallic voice ringing in the enclosed room. He could tell, at the very least, that this copy was human through his smell. Selim started crying. "And don't you do that in my container's image!" he threatened, disgusted by the tears.

Selim pressed his lips together and sniffled, looking petrified. Pride was about to hit him when the boy suddenly gasped and pointed at him.

"I… are you…?" he whispered frightfully. Pride raised his eyebrow. "…you're my evil twin brother!"

…

Pride slapped Selim across the face with his shadow. ("Oww….")

"I am not your brother," Pride hissed, and he scratched Selim along his cheek just to scare him into telling the truth. "I am Pride, the first and strongest of all the Homunculus. You, on the other hand, are about to become nothing if you don't tell me what you are… Selim Bradley, was it?"

Selim hiccupped and didn't reply. He decided that it was best to kill him then and there. It would probably take a lot of explaining, but this Selim Bradley copy… well, who even cared about a Selim Bradley copy? _He_ was Selim Bradley… or at least that's what people thought he was.

Selim started sobbing and struggling with the shadow that bound him when he realized that the spikes of darkness were pointing at him. Hopeless. Pride was about to stab him when Selim suddenly flailed his arm, knocking over the only lamp in the room.

It came crashing down and the room went completely dark.

**oOo**

Selim gasped when the shadows suddenly released him. The creepy eyes and mouths that Pride was using disappeared, leaving the outline of a relatively-normal boy. Selim shuddered and curled up into fetal position, repressing his sobs, but the shadows didn't come for him again.

He peeked over his knees. Pride was still standing there… or he thought so, at least. It was dark, so he could barely see anything. Selim thought Pride was looking at something. It was… the window curtains.

"W-wait," Selim stuttered, realizing something. "You… you can't use your powers in the dark?"

There was no answer. Pride looked at him, then at the window curtains. He suddenly dashed to the window.

"_He wants the light from outside."_ Selim reacted, wobbling to his feet before chasing him. They ran at almost the exact same pace, with Pride about a yard in front of Selim.

"Useless," he heard Pride say to him when they drew closer and closer to the window. In a desperate attempt to stop him, Selim leaped and threw himself at the copy.

He landed face-flat on the floor. Nothing…

…well, actually. Selim sniffed and sat up, holding up something that he had grabbed from Pride curiously. It was hard to make out in the darkness, but it felt like… shorts?

…um….

"I'm sorry!" he apologized, gripping on tightly to the pair of pants. "Ooph!"

Selim was kicked in the face, and before he knew it, Pride was stomping his foot on his head.

"Ow, ow!" he cried, shielding his head from Pride's shoe. Selim pushed the boy on the floor and away, but he only crawled back and grabbed his tie.

"You… are _dead_," Pride whispered. He started choking him with his tie. Selim, gagging, grabbed Pride's hair and yanked on it until he let go and instead started punching him.

"Why are you trying to kill me?" wailed Selim, as he started blocking himself with Pride's pair of shorts.

"Stop crying into my clothing!"

Pride pinned Selim onto the ground and started wrestling him and kneeing him in the stomach.

"_You know, from this angle, this does _not_ look right at all,"_ said Kimblee.

**oOo**

_Meanwhile, somewhere in the maintenance room…._

"Looks like the lights in the students' dormitory has been taken out!" said a staff member, looking at the black-and-white camera monitor.

"Hm…." said another. "I swore I changed that yesterday. Oh, well. Use the back-up lighting!"

"Okie-doke." The man pulled the lever on the back-up lighting. "It's a bit strong, but better than no light, yeah? Poor kids, alone in the dark…."

**oOo**

Pride coughed, climbing to his feet. He steadied himself, panting.

Selim was successfully KO'd on the floor. He swooped down and grabbed his pants and found that they were damp from Selim's crying.

He twitched and headed for the curtains. Pride allowed the tiniest crack of light and felt his power return to him. _Shadows._

He grabbed Selim and lifted him in the air. The boy, stirring, whimpered and slowly opened his eyes at the motion.

"Why…." he whispered. He looked down at Pride. "Hey… your underpants are purple! …oh no, don't kill me!"

A shadow spear flew at Selim, who screamed, but there was loud 'click' that stopped it. Pride looked around.

"What…? _ARGH, my eyes_!"

Selim was dropped to the floor, and Pride's shadows disappeared again. The room suddenly looked brighter.

Selim turned around and realized that a pink, sparkling disco ball had popped out of the ceiling. It was extremely painful to look at, even while squinting, so he looked back at Pride. He was zonked out on the floor.

Selim, frightened, cautiously nudged him with his shoe. Pride didn't move (except for his eyes, which were turning in dizzy circles). He wondered if he was dead and leaned over to feel his heartbeat.

Just then, the bedroom door flew open. Selim whirled around and saw the dark outline of a large man through the blinding pink sparkles.

"Did somebody order A LARGE HAM?" came a dramatic, booming voice.

There was a long pause.

"…No, but I ordered a clam chowder and bread. Maybe he ordered it," replied Selim innocently, poking at Pride.

"What are you students doing in here?" the man said, stepping inside the room. He turned out to be a very large, beefy man with a blonde moustache and a single curl of hair on his head. Selim thought that he was sparkling, but maybe it was just the disco ball. He was not wearing a shirt.

"Well…." Selim bowed his head, unsure how to explain everything. Saying that 'Pride was going to kill me' might not be believable when it was Pride who was unconscious on the floor… and without any pants on.

"Just having a duel, I see!" exclaimed the man. He dropped the large ham on top of Pride, whose eyes were still spinning. "Welcome to our school then, Selim Bradley and Selim Bradley!"

Selim cocked his head. Two Selim Bradley's? But… wasn't this guy's name Pride…?

"I am Principal Alex Louis Armstrong!" declared Armstrong, flexing his muscles. "I usually work as a general, but I also run this school in my free time! This elementary school has been owned and taught by the Armstrong family for generations and generations! How are you enjoying it here so far?"

"It's… nice," Selim answered shyly, lowering his head.

"Good! Do you have any complaints?" Armstrong asked, striking another pose.

He considered this questions. "Well, th-the disco ball is a little bit bright," he offered.

Armstrong stroked his moustache. "I see… well, this can't do! HA!"

Principal Armstrong suddenly leaped into the air and ripped the disco ball out of the ceiling and smashed it into a sculpture of himself, which he set on the desk table. Selim stared with wide eyes.

"You don't seem to have any lights in here!" cried the principal. He flew out of the room and came back just as quickly with about five huge lava lamps and three standard lamps. "These will help brighten up your room!"

"Thank - you…?" Selim watched as Armstrong set up all the lamps in a few mere seconds. When he was done, he flexed his muscles. Selim found out that he did indeed sparkle.

"Your pleasure is mine," said Armstrong. He bent down and picked up Pride and the ham. "Now, get to bed for class tomorrow! Your friend here seems tired from your duel. I'll bring young Selim to the nurses' office for now until he gets better."

"Y-yes, sir," Selim answered. With that, he left the room with Pride.

That… was one of the strangest things that had happened to him in all his life. He had the feeling that it was only the beginning.

**oOo**

_Hours later…._

Selim sighed. It was dark outside, and Pride was still in the nurses' office (thankfully). Selim, on the other hand, was sitting at the table in his room; he yet to finish his dinner.

But that was not entirely his fault. In front of him was a mini-pool sized bowl of clam chowder and a loaf of bread that was as big as a piano. It was tasty, but… Selim didn't understand. There was a quote engraved on the bowl:

"_This bowl has been passed down in the Armstrong family for generations and generations. Only an Armstrong was known to finish eating everything out of it."_

* * *

**NOTES: **TV Tropes has official ruined my life. If you got the Large Ham reference, they're ruined your life, too ):

**REVIEW REPLIES:**

**Rodrigo DeMolay**: Hey there! 8D ORZ I live in the US, so they usually call it soccer here - but I'm all for what every other nation calls it X.x And thanks for the review! :D

**Moofy-Fan**: Thank you! Pride and Selim are my favorite characters *U* LOL I'm sure Armstrong will make the school interesting enough :D Thanks again for the review!


	3. TIP 3: A Lemon Popsicle Leftover

**A/N:** Chapter 3 is up! -meanwhile is not doing any commissions OTL-

Regular = narrative/dialogue

"_Italics"_ = thoughts/emphasis/actions

"**Bolded"** = writing

**oOo** = POV change

OTHER: No idea where I'm going with the Selim-Pride connection, but I needed to give a reason for Pride not to kill Selim D: Well, they're technically the same person, so if Selim can't regenerate than… ahh, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'LL TRY TO MAKE IT WORK LOLOLOL

YES, ROY IS THE TEACHER! Um. Uh. He doesn't know who Pride is because… it's the anime Roy? -totally bullshitted at this point- ORZ Well, anime and manga Roy both act roughly the same anyways…? :D;; -shot- His reference to Sex-Ed was shamelessly ripped off from the omake!

At this point, Truth doesn't want to acknowledge my existence anymore D:

* * *

**How to Survive a Month with Pride**

**Day 2 - Wednesday**

_TIP 3 - Offering to share lemon-flavored ice pops with Pride does not increase your chances of survival. Writing informative essays about him also does not increase your chances of survival._

"_What is this supposed to be? A fashion statement?"_

Pride looked down at his clothing in disgust. He was in the nurses' office, wearing a blue, papery hospital gown - his normal clothes were folded nicely next to his pillow. He pinched at the gown; it creased. He would never understand why humans, foolish as they are, would dress ill patients in paper-thin dresses that provided no heat or comfort whatsoever. (They did, however, make decent paper airplanes.)

Pride sighed and slumped back underneath his sheets. His pathetic clothing wasn't his main concern at the moment, even though they were bothersome… somehow, he had failed to kill the strange copy of himself the other day. But even stranger….

He touched his cheek; it stung, and a small ridge met his fingers. It was still there.

Annoyed, Pride marched to the bathroom next to the nurses' office for the fifth time that morning. He slammed the door shut and turned on the lights, then pressed his face into the mirror.

There was a cut on his cheek. He poked at it and tried to regenerate his injured container, but it wouldn't heal. In fact….

"_It sure looks like the cut that you gave Selim Bradley yesterday, doesn't it?"_ he heard Kimblee note in his mind.

"Be quiet." But Pride was thinking the same thing.

**oOo**

Selim straightened his tie anxiously. He was waiting in the hallway in front of Room 1, where he would be taking Language Arts… but in truth, he was dreading class. It wasn't only because he was afraid of meeting Pride again (although that was the first and foremost of his worries), but also because he was unsure of how private school classes with other students would be held out. He suddenly imagined the teacher and Pride throwing fruit at him and laughing at him - it didn't make him feel much better.

"You know, you can come in now," said a voice from inside the room. Selim jumped about a mile into the air before he poked his head inside and realized that the teacher was already in class.

"O-oh! Yes, sorry…." He walked quickly into the room and sat down in the first chair available. The teacher, who was a tall man with dark hair and a blue uniform, got up to the front and started writing on the board. Selim set his books down and stared at his desk.

_Poke, poke._

Something was poking his shoulder from behind. Selim turned around.

Pride was sitting in the seat behind him.

Selim slowly turned his head back, trembling.

"Alright, class," the teacher boomed, slamming his fist on the chalkboard. Selim snapped his eyes forward. "My name is Mr. Mustang, but I'm not that old yet, so you will call me Roy the Awesomely Amazing Flame Alchemist! Now, I will be your Language Arts teacher for the month. There will be no dilly-dallying in this class, and the both of you will be expected to list to all of my orders without question. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," they chorused. Selim thought he recognized the name 'Mustang' somewhere… maybe it was someone his father knew?

"Good!" said Roy-the-Awesomely-Amazing-Flame-Alchemist. "Now, everybody take out your Sex-Ed textbooks!"

Nobody said anything. The distant sound of crickets chirping could be heard.

"But… but I didn't bring my Sex-Ed textbook today, sir," Selim stuttered.

"Me neither! What's Sex-Ed?" asked Pride in an unusually cheerful tone. It didn't sound cold or metallic like the voice Selim heard him use yesterday.

"What? What do you kids do for entertainment, then?" Roy-the-Awesomely-Amazing-Flame-Alchemist cried. When nobody answered, he sighed. "Fine, fine. I wrote some group-activity writing instructions on the board for you two. Meanwhile…."

The teacher looked around, then plunked down on his rolling chair, propped his legs on his desk, and began chatting with people on the telephone. Selim stared at him for a while.

"Do your work," Roy ordered in between his conversation with a girl named Elizabeth.

Selim, wondering if this was normal teacher behavior, nonetheless obliged and read the board. There were instructions for a group assignment:

**1. Pick a partner in the room.**

**2. Use ten minutes to describe your lives to each other.**

**3. After you're done, write an essay about your partner (their lives, hobbies, etc.).**

**4. Exchange essays and write feedback to your partner's essay.**

**5. Nothing will be collected.**

Pick a partner… Selim gulped. That… might be a problem.

**oOo**

His scratch _did_ look exactly his own. Pride glared at the Selim-copy; did that mean they were connected somehow? There was no other explanation….

But on the other hand, the cut was sort of shaped like a… mushroom. Pride decided that it looked stupid and resolved to never make such a stupid-shaped scratch ever again.

"I guess… I guess we're partners," said Selim with downcast eyes.

"Right," Pride sighed disdainfully. He ripped a piece of loose-leaf paper from his notebook and took out a pencil. Selim copied him - just like a child.

"So, um… what are some of your hobbies?" Selim asked, looking at the board.

Pride considered the question. Well… since the paper wasn't going to be collected, and Selim already knew what he was, what was the point of pretending to be a normal kid?

"My hobbies include killing humans, eating humans, justifying how humans are foolish and pathetic…" he listed off, counting on his fingers. Selim gazed at him in horror. "…and… acting has it's merits, I suppose."

"O-oh… acting…." Selim started taking clumsy notes, to Pride's general amusement. "Well, my hobbies are reading and collecting acorns… do you collect anything?" he asked Pride.

"Souls."

"…oh."

Selim ducked his head and began writing. Pride didn't take any notes, confident that he could remember the simple quirks of a ten-year-old boy. _"I mean, who collects _acorns_?"_

"Uhm. Do you have any siblings?" Selim asked.

"Oh. Them," Pride said scornfully. "I have six siblings - I'm the oldest and most powerful, mind you - but Father found it necessary bring them to life. My one sister, Lust… she's not _that_ bad, but she used to tote around Gluttony - he was an idiot, always dying and bothering Father all the time; well, I ate him. Envy, my fourth brother… sister… _thing_, was a real annoying brat… and every time he'd steal Lust's shampoo, he'd hide it in my room and run crying to Father whenever I threatened to kill him. Sloth mostly does nothing all day, a real waste of space, and Greed…" Pride stopped momentarily and glowered, "…is officially disowned. Oh, and my youngest brother Wrath pretends to be my step-father, but he's not _that_ bad either."

The room went silent. Even Roy Mustang stopped talking for a second in surprise.

"You… you have an interesting family, Pride," said Selim finally.

"_That's one way to put it,"_ Kimblee nodded.

**oOo**

_Several minutes later…._

It took much longer than what Selim had expected to finish the question-and-answering part of the assignment - mostly because every time Pride made a comment, he had to recover from the shock - but in the end, he had finished a rather decent essay. Pride had a much more interesting life than he did… although he didn't know if that was a good thing. Here was his complete composition:

**About Pride**

**Pride is 369 years old. He was created by Father, who he says is too great to talk about with a human, but he lives with his step-mother Mrs. Bradley and his younger brother Wrath, who pretends to be his step-father. He has six siblings but he ate one of them and another one is disowned from the family. Pride can speak many languages and he also knows Moors code. His eyes can change color and they glow red in the dark, like glow sticks. He hates humans and a lot of other things. He likes acting and plus he collects souls. I think Pride is smart. He told me to take a hike but I am not good at hiking.**

Selim put his pen down and smoothed out his essay.

"Are you done with your paper?" he asked Pride, whose head was down on his desk.

"I've been done an hour ago," Pride answered irritably, lifting his head. He failed to suppress yawn, to which Selim giggled at, but then Pride shot him a glare that shut him up immediately. "Haven't you finished yet?"

"Yeah, I'm done," he said, handing over his essay. Pride took it without much thought and gave Selim his own paper.

Selim looked at Pride's writing. It was printed neatly, not like his own handwriting, which was legible but clumsy. Pride's handwriting looked like his father's. Selim looked over at Pride, who seemed to be reading his paper with boredom; he occasionally eye-twitched.

He looked back down at the essay:

**Selim Bradley**

**Selim Bradley, the ten-year-old son of the Fuhrer, is an otherwise unexceptional run-of-the-mill human child. He collects acorns, chestnuts, and other various oddities whenever he goes outside - which is an infrequent act by itself, because Selim is an official overindulged shut-in. His family life is no more extraordinary than his hobbies, so they will not be discussed in this essay. Selim keeps a treasure box entrusted to him by his father, but he has no clue as to what it is. More likely than not, it will turn out to be something with little to no significance.**

Selim blinked a few times. He couldn't understand half of the words that Pride used… but it sure sounded like a smart essay.

"Hey, um, Pride?" he asked. "What does 'overindulged' mean?"

Pride didn't answer.

Sighing, Selim picked up his pen and began writing a reply. He had to make up a lot of comments because he didn't fully understand the essay… but feedback was supposed to be easy, right?

An hour later, he finally finished composing (or to be more precise, bullshitting) his feedback. Pride was sleeping on his desk again and Mr. Mustang was already packing up. He read it over:

**Your essay was good. I liked the vocabulary you used, but I didn't know most of the words. I am happy you remembered my father's treasure and that I collect acorns. Your essay was very interesting to read. Plus, your handwriting is neat!**

It technically shouldn't have taken him an hour to finish the paper, but he kept scratching out his comments and consulting the dictionary to get the basic gist of Pride's essay.

"Alright, class is over now!" said the teacher, slamming down his telephone. Both the students sat up straight and looked at him. "You have no homework for today. However, next Language class I expect you to bring your Sex-Ed textbooks. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," Pride and Selim answered in unison. Roy nodded at them and left the room, leaving them to do whatever they wanted.

Pride left the room as soon as the teacher was gone. Selim, putting his paper into his pocket and looking around the hallway, decided to go to the cafeteria to get something to eat - it was already 7:00 PM and he hadn't had dinner yet.

He walked in the cafeteria and asked for an 'extra-small-sized meal'; the servants gave him a very large plate of spaghetti, steamed vegetables, a tall glass of orange juice, and a huge wrapped lemon popsicle for dessert.

Selim managed to finish most of the 'extra-small' portion (he was still holding on to the unwrapped popsicle), but he decided that he'd better get a lot of exercise this month if he wanted to maintain his weight with these meals. He walked to the trashcan and threw out his napkin, then went to wash his hands.

"_I wonder if Pride got anything to eat,"_ Selim thought, remembering that he didn't come down to get dinner. _"Maybe… he ordered it by telephone. Yeah."_

After drying his hands, he looked at his popsicle - if he didn't eat it soon, it would melt. But if he did eat it… well, he'd better be thinking about that exercise program.

Selim took off the wrapper and realized that it was not, in fact, super-sized: it was a twin ice pop. It was bright yellow and had two sticks protruding from the end, with a crease in the center.

Selim blinked. With some difficulty, he snapped them apart - one ended up a little bit bigger than the other. He held one in each hand.

"_These are probably made for sharing…."_ he thought, wandering back down the hallway to his room. _"…But I don't have anyone to share with. Unless… Pride…?"_

Selim opened the door and walked inside. Pride was already there, sitting in the center armchair, but he didn't look up when Selim entered. He hesitated, looking at the popsicles again. He owed Pride an apology for… for crying into his shorts, right? That was probably why he was angry with him….

"P-Pride?" Selim asked timidly.

Pride looked up at him. "What?"

"U-um…." Selim stammered, holding up the larger popsicle to him. "I brought one f-for you… and - and I'm sorry for ruining your pants…."

"Why would I want something like that?" said Pride, raising his eyebrow at the cold treat. But Selim noticed that he didn't look bored or angry… in fact, if he didn't know better, he would've said that Pride seemed almost confused by the gesture.

Pride seemed to notice this himself and scowled. "Please, I don't need ridiculous artificial products that you human children seem to live off of. Is that all you came to say?"

"A-ah…." Selim drew back, slightly disappointed - but at least he wasn't strangling him with shadows this time, right? He was about to leave him alone when a thought occurred to him. "Oh, wait, one more thing!"

It was the feedback he had written for Pride's essay. Pulling the sheet of paper from his pocket, Selim handed it to Pride.

"It's the Language assignment reply," he explained. Pride frowned.

"That thing?" he scoffed, looking over Selim's paper. "You're thoughtless. It's not even going to be collected." Pride scanned a few lines before pulling out a piece of paper from his own folder. "I don't need this."

"You did the feedback, too," Selim noted happily, taking the paper. Pride ignored him.

Selim walked to his own bed, sticking both of the popsicles in his mouth and unfolding Pride's reply. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all… Selim smiled to himself and started reading over the feedback:

**Your essay about me was absolutely terrible. First of all, please learn how to use commas and proper sentence structure. Secondly, 'Morse code' is spelled M-O-R-S-E, not M-O-O-R-S. Finally, do **_**not**_** compare my eyes to your childish toys. Oh, and keep your opinions out of your essays. Your details were insufficient and unorganized.**

**All in all, to put it in words that you might understand, your essay sucked.**

**P.S.: I think you should learn the meanings of common expressions (i.e. "Take a hike") before you include them in your writing.**

* * *

**NOTES: **Aww, Selim's a sweetie… and Pride's a meanie D: Also, I'm going to have one class a day to avoid over-writing a chapter… so yeah, they only get one subject a day? WELL, ARMSTONG RUNS THE SCHOOL ANYWAYS 8D

Ahh. Banana twin pops. I used to have them when I was little; they were the best! -used to be very bad at snapping them OTL- I'll try to put more action in the next chapter!

**REVIEW REPLIES:**

Rodrigo DeMolay: LOL I had run writing that part; ah, well. Selim will have blackmail info on Pride forever XDD Ohh, and I see! Yeah, I think most parts of the world call soccer 'football'… LOL it's only the US that uses soccer. And thanks again for the review!

Pumpkin2Face: ORZ Thank you so much! I love the Armstrongs and their 'for generations' quote XDD It'd be like them to have an extreme meal!

geororo: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you like the story so far! C:

Moofy-Fan: LOL I like writing the tips - they're so unusual and random… and probably wouldn't work for anybody except Selim XDD Oh, yes, I had to use the OVER 9000 joke! -is ruined by TV Tropes- Pride can't kill Selim anymore, luckily for him… so I guess they're closer to being friends now? -shot- And thank you for the review!

Zorva: Waah, thanks for the comment and the alert! I'm really happy with the idea… and hopefully it'll be the first story I actually finish! -brick'd-


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